Picturing Your Best Self December 2008
Picture a time when you were at your absolute best, when everything you did was at its peak and nothing could stop you. Can you bring up that image at will? If you can, you’re part way toward being great. Researchers have identified a concept called “Reflected Best Self,” defined as the qualities and characteristics you display when you’re at your best. They’ve also explored the development of the Reflected Best Self as well as how to become extraordinary.
Growing up, compliments and criticism were part of our familial and social interactions. We might remember a teacher saying, “you did great on this test. I knew you could do it.” Or, we tenaciously cling to the challenging comment of the parent who said, “this was great and I know you can do even better next time.” Our Reflected Best Self was formed by these positive comments and relationships. The good news is that our Reflected Best Self is continually being re-formed and can be strengthened.
Three resources enhance the Reflected Best Self. First are the positive comments, feedback or affirmations we receive when we’ve done a great job. These comments help us identify what others think is good about what we’ve done and leads to predictable, repeatable success. The more specific the affirmation, the better because it creates a clear idea of what was so positive. It’s important to continue eliciting positive feedback, especially when it’s not regularly forthcoming.
Along with positive feedback, positive relationships help to develop our Reflected Best Self. Those who provide encouragement and support help us realize how much we can accomplish. Their reinforcement creates a safe place for us to try new things since we know they’ll continue supporting us. It’s important to surround ourselves with people who are supportive and encouraging.
Finally, our Reflected Best Self develops more powerfully when we have a sense of what we control in our life. Believing that we control our destiny serves to encourage us to try new things believing we can succeed. Though developed during childhood, this belief in our sense of control can be expanded during adulthood by becoming aware of our successes and our personal mastery.
Once we have a strong Reflected Best Self, how do we use it to become great? Researchers offer three steps to enhance our self-image and become extraordinary. First, they suggest we “expand the constellation of possible selves” by trying something we’ve never tried before. This might involve charitable work in a new area, taking on a new project at work, or even learning a new skill or language. These efforts expand who we are and what we can accomplish.
Researchers also suggest we create an environment for greatness by surrounding ourselves with people who encourage and support us. These people should also challenge us to do extraordinary things. It helps, of course, if they share our commitment to growth.
Finally, researchers suggest we focus more on positive emotions and aspects of our personal situations and let them propel us forward. In the face of a new challenge it’s easy for doubt and fear to get in the way. These must be tempered and neutralized by focusing on positive emotions as we move forward.
We’d also like to suggest another discipline that can help us achieve greatness. It’s not enough to simply imagine our best self. Great individuals can recall the image of their best self continually as they interact with the world around them. This ability for continuous recall reinforces their confidence about becoming -- and being -- great.
As we approach the New Year, perhaps now is the time to commit ourselves to acknowledging, developing and leveraging the image of our best self. It’s one of the pathways to greatness.
The Greatness ProjectTM is researched and written by:
Scott Asalone & Jan Sparrow
Copyright © ASGMC, Inc. 2008
Reference:
Roberts, L.M., Ditton, J.E., Spreitzer, G.M., Heaphy, E.D., & Quinn, R. 2005. “Composing the reflected best self portrait: building pathways for becoming extraordinary in work organizations.” Academy of Management Review. 30 (4) 712-736.